Before I get started on my social networking post, I would like to give a shout out to Alison Hertz and her Doodle Day May challenge. During the challenge, Alison offered a doodle prompt every day in May and we doodled. Then we shared our doodles on her Doodle Day May Facebook page. It was inspirational and fun. I will be posting more about this in the future, but I wanted to mention it today because it truly has been a great experience.
Now on to my intended post. . . .
Have you ever felt like the main character in a horror story titled THE SOCIAL NETWORK MONSTER THAT ATE AN AUTHOR? (And we are talking the author as main character, not the monster 🙂 ) If you have ever felt like the main character, it might be time to reevaluate how you are spending your time and energy.
A while back, I read a Facebook post that went something like this: When I am about to die and my life flashes before my eyes, I’m afraid all I’ll see is Facebook and television. I thought the post was pretty funny. However, as I once heard a famous comedian say, “There is humor in tragedy.”
Back in February, the featured guest blogger for Donna Martin’s Writerly Wisdom series was the award-winning author, Donna M. McDine. The title of this post is “Social Networking Enough Already . . . When It Hinders Your Writing.” Following is a quote from her post.
“Do you want to concentrate on honing your writing skills and writing the best manuscript possible or have hundreds of thousands followers on your social networks with no concrete publishing credits to show for your efforts?”
I made a note of the above quote because I wanted to remember it. I believe it is a good question for writers to ask themselves periodically.
In my January post, A FULFILLING LIFE IS ONE OF BALANCE, I offered an exercise using the Writing Wheel for Creating Balance. Today, I’m wondering if I should have included categories on the wheel for Social Networking and Energy. One of the categories I did offer on the wheel was “Time.” Time is critical in a writer’s life. Time and energy are valuable and limited personal resources. When these resources run dry, so does the opportunity to accomplish our goals. How can a writer maintain balance in life or as a writer if s/he squanders these resources by spending excessive time on social networking?
I feel like I must disclose that I sometimes find myself distracted by social networks and media. After all, I am human. Like time and energy, social media and networking are extremely important and valuable to writers, but if we are not careful, we can be swallowed by the monster and never see the light of a writer’s day – earning concrete publishing credits. Time spent not writing and submitting is time spent not meeting our number one goal.
How are you spending your time?
LET YOUR YEAH MEAN YEAH AND YOUR NO MEAN NO
When it comes to how we spend our time, one thing we all seem to have in common is an abundance of life choices. We have a never-ending supply of things we feel we must do and things people expect us to do. Then there are all those things that are just too good to pass up. One of the consequences of over choosing is we often end up spending our lives expending ourselves as if we are unlimited, and we are not. When it comes to life choices, one of the most empowering skills we can learn is the ability to say no. The ability to say no to the boss; the spouse; the friends; the TV; the overtime; the recreation and social engagements; social networking and to ourselves. I am not suggesting that we say no to everything. I am suggesting saying no to the combination of things that will create balance when we let them go.
Saying no is a learnable skill, but it is one of the most difficult skills for some women to learn. However, it is one of the most valuable skills because learning to say no becomes a way to honor your values and yourself. Saying no involves choice because when we say no to one thing, we say yes to something else. It is all about choosing to say yes to things that make us more alive and saying no to things that suck the life from us. It is as simple as asking yourself: “What do I want more of in my life?” and “What do I want less of?”
When you first start exercising your right to say no, you might have worries: But saying no is rude. Saying no means, you are not a team player. Saying no means, you are selfish, and on and on it goes. It is important to remember that for every yes you say in life, you are saying no to something else. For example, if someone says yes to working late hours every day, she might be saying no to family and rest. She might be saying yes to her fear of losing her job and yes to powerlessness. Or maybe she is saying no to serenity and yes to security. If someone says no to getting up and exercising in the morning, she might be saying yes to feeling warm and cozy. She might be saying yes to an extra ten pounds or getting more sleep. When a writer says yes to excessive time social networking, she might be saying no to writing. She might be saying no to submitting. And she might be saying no to publication. On the other hand, she might be saying yes to I need a break and a little friendly chatting or learning.
Where and when do you respond with an automatic yes? When and where do you respond with an automatic no? When do you say yes when you really want to say no? When do you say no when you really want to say yes? When does saying yes drain you and saying no energize you? When does saying yes energize you and saying no drain you? Following is a worksheet that might be helpful in evaluating what you say no to when you say yes and what you say yes to when you say no.
Great post, Alayne. I’ve been writing since there were only typewriters to work on. In a way, it was a LOT easier to stay focused on work and to set aside time. You could take the phone off the hook and just write. I still have no qualms about turning off the phone — there are even answering services now, so you can always postpone call. The thing about social media is that you get immediate gratification and it feels like you’re working on something. I love your worksheets for evaluating your time. I have a few days a week where my rule is not to turn on the internet til after I write — and usually I stick to it. Even a few days a week of write first, internet second results in a LOT more writing. Thanks for your great post!
I’m so glad you like the post, Jill. Ah yes, I remember the peaceful typewriter days 🙂 I enjoyed reading your comment. I even shared with my husband what you said about social media (sm), immediate gratification and having the sense that you are working on something. So true. It sounds like you have some great writing habits. Thanks for sharing how you manage your time regarding choosing between sm and writing. You offer excellent time management tips. In my mind, because sm offers that instant gratification and can be fun, making writing the priority and sm secondary is a little like getting to go out and play after you have done your homework – not as a punishment but as a reward or something to look forward to.
I’m sure that a lot of writers battle with this daily, Alayne. I know I did, but NOT any more. I self-pubbed my children’s story, LUCCI- The No Smoochie Poochie, in January of 2012, and spent months building my ‘platform,’ by blogging, tweeting and FB’ing. The thing is, I got practically no writing done, and after crashing and burning in my first NaNoWriMo, I was depressed and spent. This year, I decided to turn it around. I joined 12×12, and a critique group, and writing comes first and the rest, second. I found a way to continue with social media, but not at too much expense. I wake up before the roosters, grab my coffee and schedule tweets for the entire day; then I’m free to write. When my phone beeps with a FB or Twitter comment, I can take a moment for social media (so that my tweeting isn’t mechanical), and then be gone. Perhaps this method could help someone else. Great post, thank you. :0)
Wow, Donna, what great progress. I have so much to learn about Twitter and Linked In but not able to spend the time learning. Maybe someday I will understand it enough to find efficient ways to get involved with them, like you have. Thank you for sharing your tip on how you manage your writing and social media time. I do hope others will read the comments because excellent tips like yours and Joy’s might be just what someone needs. Congrats on your book and congratulations on recognizing your limitations and finding new ways to take care of yourself while still accomplishing your goals. Good going!
Excellent post, Alayne! I spend far too much time on social media (especially Facebook) and find it is one of the things I am having to cut back on in order to spend time on completing my other projects.
Thanks, Becky. One of the reasons for this post was to serve as a reminder to all of us, including me, that it is easy to get lost in the social network world while our goals and dreams get sporadic love. Kind of a “Snap Out of It” thing. It is a juggling act for sure. And it is all good as long as we keep a close eye on all the balls.
You know Alayne, we all do this with everything in life. But I’m thankful for your thoughts on this. Maybe I felt like I needed permission to say no. *sigh* And you gave it to me. Thanks pal. *waving*
Yes, you got the point Robyn, most people do this in all areas of life that’s why it is good to have a reminder once in a while to check in with ourselves to see if there are some areas we could say no to and some areas we could say yes to. Without those check ins, one can get so off balance that they are not productive or happy. I’m glad you are giving yourself permission to say no – you go Robyn!
I totally support Nancy’s “Just Say No” campaign…. it can apply to social media as well as drugs, chocolate, or just one more scoop of ice cream.
I usually take one day a week off as a digital free day, and have gone on week-long FB vacations as well as turning off my computer for a week or more. (you ask: how can I get writing done? I have a well-stocked jar full of pens and a box full of recycled spiral notebooks from my kid’s end-of-school-year clean out.)
Thanks for sharing your tips, Sue. When I take those breaks from the computer (during vacation, sickness, burnout, or for whatever reason) something happens to my brain and often I solve issues with my writing that have been haunting me, or I get a great idea, etc. The same goes for using a pen and paper, something in my brain shifts and I usually get pleasant surprises. The computer world can sometimes seem as addictive as drugs, chocolate, or one more scoop of ice cream, so “Just Say No” is a great campaign.
I am a victim of the Social Network Monster. It entered into my life around November 2012. Before I read your post, I was just telling myself that I need to cut down my social media so I can’t write. Your post just validated my decision to do so. The difficult part is letting go of the wonderful information that I find via writer friends/groups on FB. Part of saying “no” is learning to let go. But a compromise I’m toying with is to write FIRST, social media second.
I know exactly what you are saying Romelle. The writing community offers so much via social media that it is hard to ignore. I’m glad the post validated your decision. I think your compromise idea is great. By saying writing FIRST, social media second you aren’t really giving anything up, you are just reprioritizing. Did you read the other comments? Each person has given tips regarding how they combat the “monster.” Best of luck and happy writing.
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[…] by Alayne Kay Christian Reposted from alaynekaychristian.wordpress.com […]
[…] I wish I could say that I’ve learned a perfect way to juggle that is the best for me personally, but I haven’t. However, I do know that I can’t always do it all, and as hard as it is, I sometimes have to say, “no” to myself and others. Way back in 2013, I wrote a blog post titled The Social-Network Monster That Ate an Author and Let Your Yeah Mean Yeah and Your No Mean No. I know, that’s a long title 😉 Here’s the link in case you are interested in my words of wisdom. https://alaynekaychristian.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/the-social-network-monster-that-ate-an-author-an… […]
[…] I don’t regret my path for a minute because I love all the gifts I have given writers and illustrators over the years with my critiques, courses, work with Blue Whale Press and so on. I’ve found that for me, relaxing into where life takes me usually leads me to where I need to be. But a word of warning . . . when you say “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to another. In my case, I said a lot of “no” to writing and submitting by saying “yes” to helping others. I have a critique buddy and friend who is always telling me that I spend too much time doing things for other people. And I don’t like to hear that. Thanks a lot, Donna! She just said it to me again recently, so it’s fresh on my mind. Where might I have been had I been more focused? That is not a question of regret. It is a question that I pose to you as writers. Following is a little worksheet to help you see your “yes” and “no” choices more clearly. I hope some of you find it helpful. The worksheet was initially part of a much longer post I wrote on the topic. Click here to read it. […]
Alayne,
Thanks for this article. It resounded with me.
I’ve found that saying, “NO,” is difficult because I want to do everything. But I have learned through a lot of angst, that I must choose what is best for me.
Not easy!
Donna O’Donnell Figurski
donnafigurski.com
Donna, I tried to reply earlier and something seemed to go wrong. Please forgive me if there is a double reply. I’m so glad you related to the post. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I agree. It’s not easy! But I’m glad that you are working on focusing what is best for you. I have a note by my computer that has the following questions, “Am I forcing anything?” “Does this feel forced?” I think that uneasy feeling when we ignore our inner voice and force things is an excellent clue that there is a misplaced “yes” or “no” hanging around.